Best Friends Forever

One of the things that causes a lot of stress between us and our parents is the friends that we choose. I can't even count the number of arguments I have had with my parents about the people I chose to spend my time with during middle and high school. I don't think I ever went into friendships or dating relationships thinking "Yes, this is a person that will compete with my values and family! Yes, this is a person that I know is living in sin! Let's do this!" If we don't know how to select the right friends, the wrong ones select us.

Let's face it, we are born in sin. No one had to teach us how to take toys away, hit, or bite. No one had to teach us to talk badly about others, to lie, or to be selfish. We've got the sin, foolishness, and naivety under control all by ourselves. Our parents did have to teach us to keep our hands to ourselves, to share, to be kind, and to tell the truth. God has called our parents to teach us how to choose our friends, just like He called them to teach us to walk and to protect us. As difficult as it may be to listen to and respect our parents when they want to talk about our friends, it is important.

Why is choosing the right kind of friends important? Because, you will become like the people you spend time with. I remember screaming at my mother, telling her that "I was my own person and my friends were just fine!" After she shared her concern for my choice of friends. She explained that she had noticed some attitude and speech changes in me, that copied those of my friends. Truth is, she was right. (Don't tell her.)

My best friend in middle school used to brag about how many boys she had kissed, something that was never really important to me. She had a list of boys she had kissed, and boys she wanted to kiss. She made it her goal to kiss these boys, even though she had no relationship with them. Suddenly, kissing boys became important to me. I wanted a list. I wanted bragging rights. So, I joined in.

Another friend of mine did not have a good relationship with her parents. They were not the best parents in the world, and she was hurt and angry. She spoke to her parents with no respect, and constantly said negative things about them. I have always had a great relationship with my parents, but after spending time with her I started talking to them differently.

This isn' just for bad attitudes or behaviors. Later on, in college my roommate had this amazing and funny Boston accent. WIthout even meaning to, I eventually started picking up words here or there in the same accent. The fact is-you will become like the people you spend time with rather you want to or not. So, it definitely matters who your friends are.

What does God say about all this? How do we choose the right friends?

Read Proverbs 12:26 (NLT)
Read Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)
Read Proverbs 22:24-25 (NLT)
Read Proverbs 24:21-22 (NLT)
Read 1 Corinthians 15:33-34 (NLT)
Read Psalms 1:1-2 (NLT)


God tells us who to be friends with. Plain and clear, and He tells us why. True friendships bring us cheer, approval, comfort, love, and joy. We all desire friendships. God placed this desire in you. God designed you to have a personal relationship with Him and with others. We need friendships to help each other do God's will. When our hearts are heavy or anxious and we are struggling, we need someone to pray with us and for us. Have your friends trued to push you into things that you don't want to do or know are wrong? As challenging as these pressures may be, they are an opportunity to stand up for what is right and true.

God tells us that our friends should love at all times (Proverbs 17:17 NLT)
God tells us that our friends should be able to help us in times of trouble (Luke 11:5-8 NLT)

Avoid friendships that are based on money/material things, or sin. Avoid friendships with people that have bad tempers, who speak foolishly, who rebel against authority, and who are dishonest.

In order to choose your friends wisely, you must pray for guidance and ask for advice. (1 Kings 3:12)

The next time your parents talk to you about who you are choosing as your friend, listen. Ask them what changes they see in you, if any. Ask how they feel or think about the friends you already have. Do they have concerns? If so, you should too.
After reading the above scriptures, you should have a good idea for what kind of friends God wants you to have. Do your friends meet those requirements?

While having Christian friends that speak and behave in a way that honors God is important, both your parents and you need to understand that God is not telling you to avoid non-believers. (Galatians 6:10 NLT) You will have classmates, teammates, and co-workers that do not believe in God, nevertheless share the same morals or values that you do. You just need to be careful about when an aquaintence crosses the line into friendship and when a person starts to influence you.

In your journal, make a list of what kind of friends God wants you to have, what kind of friends He wants you to avoid, and what kind of friends you already have. Look at your list and decide if your friends are true friends. Write about a time you've had an argument with your parents about your friends. What could you differently now that you understand why they felt the need to talk to you? Ask God to guide you in the friendships that you make, and ask Him to help you balance being kind and friendly to non-beilevers and having close friends that are Christians.